I really should be sleeping and I really want to sleep now, but I can't sleep if I don't type this. Here goes..
One of the thing we learn as we grow up is the ability to put our emotions into compartments and don't mix them up or take them out unnecessarily or take them out at the wrong time.
An example of mixing up emotions is when you had a bad day because of person A, but when you go out with person B on the same day, you show her an upset face and both of you cannot have a good time together.
An example of taking out emotions unnecessarily is when your parents said something hurtful to you in the morning, and then when you turn up for the first period class, you say something hurtful to person A.
An example of taking emotions out at the wrong time is when person A hurt you 2 weeks ago and then 2 weeks later, out of no where you suddenly tell person A you are not happy with her.
Unfortunately, like you, I am also learning how to put my emotions into compartments and learning how to put my own interests at the very bottom and your interests at the very top in my heart. I think I brought my weariness into the class today. I was tired, then I read the time table wrongly.. I am sorry I should have been stronger and not show my weariness to you at all because this is my own problem and I should not show it at all and I should solve it myself-> putting my emotions into compartments and not bringing them out.
I could have been more patient although most of you were not listening because I can always be more understanding and more patient and having chosen to be a teacher, I should be the queen of patience and queen of understanding.
But on the other hand, I think all of you also need to work on listening when I am going through answers. This is because if you don't listen, you don't learn from your mistakes and that is not good for 2 reasons. Firstly, we as human beings, make a lot of mistakes. Second, every piece of worksheet contains your precious and valuable effort! So do bring something useful back into your brain to keep with u so that you can take it out another time and use it, e.g. exams, conversations with friends/relatives, writing, ordering food at restaurant etc.
I was upset when I walked out. I was thinking how could I have handled it better. Sigh. In fact I am still upset at myself now. I was also wondering.. the closer I get to all of you, the easier and the more I will be hurt by your actions and your words because when a person means a lot to you, what they do and what they say matters so much more and if these things are not nice, they will hurt much more than what a person whom you don't care for at all says and does. This really frightens me a lot whenever I think about it... But it is also true that after one gets hurt, God can heal us easily if we ask Him. Therefore, I choose to try again and not give up or stop...
Okay... so... let us try again... \( - -.)"/
Yours sincerely,
Miss Chang
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